tomgungy:

“Dumb mindless jock”? What a specific goal that is. Luckily it’s a common one here. Many a soul steps through those doors in pursuit of muscle and a stereotype that is considered dead to many, but we’re more than happy to help revive it.

Come with me.

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This is one of the classrooms we use for a little something we call the Youth program. It takes the masses that regret their choices made early on, want to start over from when it counts, or simply want to relive the glory years and gives them that chance as muscular, young jocks.

Of course, with the stereotype of jocks come the obligatory responsibility of learning. It is a cliché that commonly comes with a school setting, and while most of them ace their sex education and football statistics classes, there is the odd need for disciplinary action.

That’s why the dunce cap is a standard item in any classroom here. Unlike those of the outside world, we don’t feel that it’s regressive, and we certainly don’t feel that it causes unwanted humiliation. In fact, just to make sure we’re always on the cutting edge and as we are the Foundation, we had to put our own little spin on it that all of the students just love.

That little tweak and the Youth program’s obsession with it is actually starting to become quite the problem. Students who had previously been what counted for nerds around here have started purposely flunking, skipping frequently, and disturbing the entire classroom everyday just so they can put on the cap for several seconds. Some of the more objective teachers feel that it’s causing more harm than benefiting anyone and want get rid of it.

The issue is that it’s just so effective at what it does that we just can’t help but leave it. Besides, after a few minutes of wearing the cap themselves, the previously opposing teachers tend to agree with us. Yes, it’s that good! Don’t believe me? Try it on!

How does it feel? No, I’m not getting shorter. The hat isn’t getting smaller either. In fact, could you get up off of the stool please because at the rate your growing muscle, you’ll break it soon. Yeah, it is pretty cool isn’t it. You get all the muscle you could ever want in a matter of seconds.

There’s a reason this is a disciplinary technique, however. The muscle doesn’t come without its own cost. You may notice that it’s becoming harder to think. That’s because the hat is adjusting you as education should. The actions that put a person underneath that ridiculous hat have shown themselves to be lacking the abilities to get a real job. Instead you’ll have muscles and be paid for your grunt work.

For now I think you’ve had enough time wearing the hat, but I think you could use a little more introductory discipline sitting down. No, not on the stool, sweety. The stool is for the cap. No, dunces with big muscles and no brains like you like sitting on something else.

Maybe I could introduce you to your new dorm roommate, and he can help you figure it out. He used to be a teacher of the school before he was persuaded to try on the cap for awhile. Now he’s totally dedicated to setting boys like you straight through our suggested disciplinary techniques.

Trust me. You’ll love them…