playernumber37:

bodriversblog:

The virus that replaces all your audio files with CONVERT2JOCK.mp3 has never been countered as far as I know. The best way to avoid getting The Voice’s virus is to avoid his hunting grounds, i.e. places frequented by young men who build their identity around their cultured tastes (e.g. coffee houses, record shops, book stores) or their intellect (e.g. board game stores, university libraries). It’s most satisfying for him to erase such identities while creating his dumb jockbeasts.

I don’t know what The Voice looks like, but he often sends his jockboys to do his work. So if you’re in one of the aformentioned hunting grounds and you spot a blanked out meathead, shut off and hide your electronics, throw away all food and drink (it might be drugged), and get out ASAP. If the meathead follows you, chances are you’ve already been marked for conversion, and your days as a thinking, independent man are now numbered.

#Coach’s voice

March 1, 2015.

I’ve been exposed.

This is no joke, guys.  This is real.  This is the end of fucking days.  The rumors are spreading, and the CDC is actually taking an interest.  Researchers and sci … scien … uh, you know.  (Fuck, that’s embarrassing… and it keeps happening.) They’re saying they don’t know how it starts, or where it comes from.  It’s not a real virus, it has no physical presence, it just … insinuates, gets down into your brain.  So far, only smaller cities have been attacked.  No one is saying this is a biological weapon, but, uh, yeah.  Technology, once our greatest asset, is suddenly becoming our greatest liab… um.  Downfall. 

I had just ignored it, laughed at it.  I mean, seriously?  CONVERT2JOCK.mp3?  Some stupid prank, right?  One of my friends must’ve gone in and changed the filenames the last time I was at the café with my laptop.  I mean, who passwords their screen?  I was only gone a minute.  To the bathroom.  I had noticed that there were a lot of uh, muscleheads, around that day, but that’s no big, you know, there’s a World Gym right across the street, and who doesn’t need their coffee in the morning, right?  I had a big project I was working out.  I love to work out.  I fuckin love to work out.

Wait.  No.  Sorry.  See, that’s how it starts.  Certain words trigger it.  Like if I were gonna say … it was so cold out yesterday that I had started to protein shake.  Fuck.  That’s fucked up.

Guess it makes me sweat a bit more too.  Sweat feels good.  Sweat means the muscles are workin.  Workin out.  At the gym. 

Fuck.  Sorry.  See, I meant to type “swear” but I typoed, and then all that.  ANYway.  If I could just get back to my point …

You know how they say never click on a link you don’t know?  That it might be malware, and apparently nowadays all it takes is one click for someone to infiltrate your computer, your phone, your head.  Anyway, I’d just come back from the bathroom, and I sat back down with my laptop and my coffee, and I just stared at the screen.  My Finder window, clicked to Music, had nothing but a whole array of the same file over and over again.  Someone must be playing a prank on me, I thought.  Looked around for a friend, or someone I know. 

Didn’t see anyone.  That was when I made my mistake.  I put my earbuds in and clicked on the first file, double-bis, flexing in front of the mirror, flexing is fucking awesome bro. 

Dammit.  Sorry.  The file started playing, and, well, that’s how it started.  I don’t really remember what the file sounded like.  At first I thought it was a deadlift, deadlift, i mean, fuck, like, broken link, you know?  Nothing happened.  But then I was suddenly standing in front of the coffee shop, staring across the street.  Cars rushing by, over the crossfit.  Crossfit.  Crosswalk.  The gym is my home.  The gym.  Uh, fuck.  Let me –

This is getting harder.  Like my muscles.  I couldn’t take my eyes off the gym.  The gym is my home.  It was like one of those spirals you see online, on Facebook, just for laughs, you know, look at this for 30 seconds, then look at this other thing.  It almost seemed to pulse, but that was dumb.  Dumb is good.  Fuck smarts.  Smarts suck.

It’s gotta be an associative virus.  One word keys into another word.  It’s like the virus is rerouting your brain through your vocabulary.  Then, like lights on a strand of Christmas lights, all the bulbs blow.  I forget what that’s called.  Some kind of circuit training. 

It would be a lot easier to just give up.  I’m not sure there’s any help for me.  It’s not like I can just go to a doctor and try to explain that I’ve caught a virus that is slowly (or quickly, now I’m not even sure) rewriting my personality.  I won’t give up, though.  I won’t.  I’ll fight it.  But for the sake of experiment, let’s see what happens if I type uh … one of “those” words, on purpose.  Maybe if I do it on purpose, the virus will be confused and won’t be able to think straight.  Except for lifting duh.  lol.  lifting rules. 

It’s getting harder.  I have to be done here soon.  I have to hit post, I have to let people know that this shit is for real … you HAVE TO BE CAREFUL or youll end up like me bros.  me and all the other jocks.

why would u wanna be anything else rite?

gym flex lift jock muscle lksdafj;lkasjdf;lasdjkf;asbhf;ab4r;basfdl;adjsfs

hey sorry bros i gotta go.  its liftin time lol

later